With the quarantine, I’ve felt extra lonely these past twenty to thirty-something days. I miss my friends so much. Technology is great and so I am able to get life updates on all my friends, but I do miss the human interaction aspect part of it. I am sure all of you can relate. And feeling extra lonely has also made me think about my relationship status.
Am I single? Yes. Am I secure? If I am honest, I feel content and secure in my singleness about half the time. But since the quarantine, I’ve felt much more secure. Let me explain.
I am not an expert in the Bible. I am not an expert in relationships. But with all this extra time, I’ve spent a lot of my time reading the Bible, watching sermons and praying. I’ve been doing a lot of research on singleness, dating and marriage and the way God views them and how a Christian should approach these different stages of life. Honestly, with the number of romance movies, with dating apps blowing up, and with every family gathering including that one relative that asks “So..you dating anyone, yet?”, we can’t get away with someone asking about our relationship status. And if I’m being honest, this is not even a problem with the world but also in the church. We almost idolize Christian relationships and marriage between Christians. We idolize the “Proverbs 31” girl. We look for our “Boaz”. I would say sometimes we even rush into relationships and marriage because it’s idolized. This is not towards my home church, I’m talking about the church as a whole, the church making up every follower of Jesus from around the world.
Relationships centered around Christ are good. The significance of marriage in God’s eyes is one of the most beautiful things in my opinion. There is nothing wrong with using dating apps or watching romance movies on occasion as long as you understand who God has called you to be and you understand the reasonable expectations to have in your Christian relationships/marriage. But friends, the love story of the bible is not Ruth and Boaz, the love story of the bible is that you fall in love with Christ because He loved you first, in fact, He loved you so much that He died on the cross for you.
9 God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his one and only Son into the world so that we might live through him. 10 Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. 1 John 4:9-10
That’s it, friend. That is the ultimate love story of the Bible. Understand that. Understand what it truly means to follow Christ. We’re called to continuously seek Him and to please Him. Relationships are good, they’re so good, but do not make them an idol. Can I share with you some ways you can be Single & Secure?
FIND YOUR IDENTITY IN GOD ALONE.
Your relationship with God comes first. If you can’t be happy being single, I promise you’re not going to be happy in a relationship. You are complete in Christ. Your security lies in God alone. He made you in His image (Genesis 1:27). God thinks you’re beautiful. My woman of God, you’re far more precious than rubies (Proverbs 31:10) To the men, God thinks you’re handsome. The God who meticulously created the entire universe, the God who made those incredible picturesque sunsets, is the same God who made you. He is perfect. Know your value in Him. He paid for your sins in full. He loves you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3). Don’t discredit the Creator just because you don’t know your value in Christ.
9 But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9
The world will always tell you how to act, how to dress, and how to be. We’re fickle. One day we like you and the very next day we don’t. People are fickle, but God isn’t. Understand that your identity is in Him. You are called to love the Lord with absolutely everything (Matthew 22:37). He is the only one you should be worried about pleasing. If you don’t know your worth in Him, single or in a relationship, you will never be content. Jesus is crazy in love with you. Know your value in Him alone. Know your worth in Him alone. You are complete in Him alone.
For it was you who created my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise you because I have been remarkably and wondrously made. Your works are wondrous, and I know this very well. 15 My bones were not hidden from you when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in your book and planned
before a single one of them began. Psalm 139:13-16
USE THIS TIME TO DEEPEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS.
When you’re single you have so much more time and freedom, ask anyone in a relationship. You can do whatever you want when you’re single. And hey, with the quarantine, you have even more time to do whatever the heck you desire to do. May I encourage you to use this time to seek God with all your heart. Learn about Jesus. Learn about who we’re called to be in Him. Learn about what love looks like (1 Corinthians 13 depicts it pretty dang well). Learn about Christian friendships. Learn about how you can serve the church. Learn about the person God is calling you to be. Learn how to give glory to God in everything you do.
Use this time to understand how we’re called to walk and live as Christians. Start at Romans 12 and be convicted. Use this time and fall or re-fall in love with Jesus. The unmarried (not un-single) care about pleasing the Lord and we see this when reading 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. Ask God to search your heart, David did all the time in the Psalms.
“God, search my heart. I want to follow you and pursue you all the days of my life. Help me to love you first. Help me understand my worth and my calling in you alone, O’ Lord”
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and discipline. Proverbs 1:7
Learn how to please God, not please the world.
LOOK TO SCRIPTURE FOR THE MEANING OF SINGLENESS, RELATIONSHIP AND MARRIAGE.
May I suggest that being single is not a bad thing? May I suggest that being single doesn’t mean you’re missing out on living a fulfilled life? Friend, look at the life of Jesus. Look at the life of the Apostle Paul. It is good to be single and it is also good to be in a relationship.
I don’t like the way that culture talks about singleness, relationships or marriage. I urge you to use this time to truly learn about the way that God defines these things. There is a reason why you’re called to remain pure, Christian. It isn’t because God is punishing you or He is a party-pooper. I don’t say this to condemn you. I say this because sex is a beautiful gift from God but only when it is in the given context, only when it is in marriage and between one man and one woman. If you’re going to accept the fact that Jesus rose from the dead, you have to accept the Bible for what it is. Just because it offends you doesn’t make it less true.
To my friends that have trouble with the purpose of remaining pure or the trouble of “wives submit to your husbands”, can I suggest that maybe you don’t like it because you don’t understand the context? I used to hate hearing that I am called to submit to my husband, but when he is called to love me the way that Jesus loves me. When I am told that he is called to love me so much that he would lay his life down for me, I have no problem submitting to him. If he is anything like Jesus, then yes, I want to willingly follow him.
It’s okay to have doubts. It’s okay to not like some of the things God has called of us, but that doesn’t make Him less perfect or less loving. I would love to explain biblical marriage to you, but I’m telling you to look into it. Look into the hard passages in the Bible and understand the entire context of it. If you want a relationship, a marriage and a family rooted on the foundations of Jesus Christ, it is so important that you understand the significance of marriage and purity.
BECOME “THE ONE”.
Ladies, I would encourage you to make a list of what you look for in a Godly man. There’s a difference between dating a Christian and dating a man of God. So yes, make a list, make a reasonable list of what you’re looking for (and so you don’t settle). My personal list comes from looking at the qualifications of elders in the church, deacons, etc. I am looking for a man that has self-control, a man who is patient, a man who has integrity, a man who is loving. I am looking for a man that is going to love me like Christ loved the church. I am looking for a man who continuously pursues God every single day. Men, make a list of a Godly woman who is worth pursuing.
And although a list is good, in the time of singleness, it is more important that you become aware of your flaws. Become the person you want your future spouse to marry. Ladies, read Proverbs 31:10-31 and read Titus 2:3-5 to learn what a woman of God looks like. Men, read this too so you know what to look for. It’s good to know what you’re looking for, but if you want to marry a Godly man, you need to step up your game and become a Godly woman.
There is no way that there is “the one”, in the sense that there is only one right person to marry. But while you’re praying for your future spouse. Pray more for yourself. You’re a flawed being, just like me. Pray not that God provides you with a Godly husband, but pray that God makes you a Godly wife. This is one of the most important and pro-active things that you can do in your time of singleness. Pray that God works in you and continues to make you the person you are called to be. Seek Him. You’re called to love God with everything and to seek His Kingdom first and above everything else. Be patient. Pray continuously.
12 Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer. Romans 12:12
Here is the hard truth, Christian. Following God does not mean that you’re guaranteed marriage and that’s what I struggle with most when it comes to my current singleness. I’m secure in being single now (mostly), but sometimes I worry that I will never get married. Do not take Genesis 2:18 out of context. It is not good to be alone, but that means we’re called to relationship. We’re called to have friends. We’re called to walk the Christian life with each other, but that doesn’t mean we’re guaranteed marriage.
For some of us, we are called to singleness. Paul was and as I said, he lived a fulfilled life. He wrote most of the New Testament. I am not going to expand on that because you need to open your Bible and learn about that, but it starts somewhere around 1 Corinthians 6:6 and you can read that until the end of 1 Corinthians 7. I don’t know what God has planned for you, but I’d say it’s a good idea to place your relationship status in the hands of someone who is all-knowing and all-loving because He is and knows so much better.
Regardless of your current relationship status, understand that the love story of the bible is about how Jesus loved us first and He died on the cross for sinners like you and me so that we could be saved by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone. That’s it. Pray about this. Pray like crazy in this time of quarantine. Pray that you can be secure in Christ alone. Understand that our goal is to fear God and to love God with absolutely everything. Where you are called to be, He will not forsake you. He loves you. He has a plan for you. He has a purpose for you. Chase God with all your heart. He knows better, always.
28 We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
I love you guys and I’m praying over you. Thank you for reading. Please reach out if you want to talk or even if you want me to point you to a couple of sermons on relationships that I’ve listened to. Until next time…